“People pleasing” is a term we use to describe people who go out of their way to help other people and to do things that make other people happy. They will do this even if it means neglecting their own needs, or doing something that will cause them direct unhappiness or stress.
An example might be attending a family gathering to please your partner , siblings or parents. You agree to go even though groups of people make you feel very anxious or self conscious and so you feel stressed beforehand, or anxious throughout…and probably very tired afterwards too!
People pleasing is very strongly linked to anxiety, as often “people pleasers” end up doing things that they don’t really want to do and that make them feel stressed, just to make others happy.
It can be hard to overcome people pleasing, as it is often something that a person has done for a very long time and can have it’s roots in childhood.
If you are a people pleaser and you would like things to change, you might try a small test. The next time you are asked to do something small for someone else, but you don’t want to, try using one of the responses below and notice how you feel afterwards. At first you might feel anxious or worried, but eventually this should give way to relief, or a boost in confidence because you were able to stick up for yourself
Examples you might try:
- Thank you but I would rather do something that I enjoy more today
- I’m sorry I can’t help today
- I know that is something you really enjoy but it makes me feel anxious, so I’m going to pass today
- I would like to be able to help but I need to focus on some things for me today
